We are living in a time where women are expected to do it all-lead companies, nurture families, maintain homes, manage relationships, stay fit, stay kind, and stay available. (and don’t forget “Keep Sweet” IYKYK) And somehow, we’ve bought into the lie that strength means self-sacrifice without limits.
From girlhood, many of us were trained to be the caretakers, the peacekeepers, the ones who make it all okay. We watched our mothers and grandmothers put themselves last, then inherited their resilience without always questioning the cost. That inherited pattern; putting everyone’s needs ahead of our own; still shapes the way we live today. But here’s the truth: being strong does not mean being selfless to the point of depletion. It means knowing when to stop pouring from an empty cup.
Let’s be clear: it is not noble to burn out.
Yes, there are moments when we choose to support our partners, our children, our parents, our teams-because we want to, not because we have to. But there is a distinct line between compassion and martyrdom. And when we cross it too often, the consequence is predictable: resentment, fatigue, anxiety, and emotional withdrawal. We become shells of ourselves, secretly furious at the world for always asking, while continuing to say “yes” with a smile.
Here’s the other hard truth: when we chronically abandon ourselves in the name of being “needed,” we start making poor choices. Not because we’re weak, but because we’re exhausted. And when you’re running on fumes, it’s easier to avoid confrontation, to silence your truth, to settle for less than you deserve just to keep the peace. But choosing the path of least resistance rarely leads to lasting peace. It leads to conflict that festers-under the surface until something breaks.
So let me offer you something radical: choose you.
Choose the discomfort of growth over the false comfort of avoidance. Choose to tell the truth, even if your voice shakes. Choose to set a boundary, even if it disappoints someone. Choose to rest without guilt. Choose to take the phone call tomorrow, not today. Choose to say, “Not this time.”
Yes, it will be hard. Some people won’t like it. Some will push back. But when you start protecting your time, your energy, your emotional bandwidth…something extraordinary happens. You reclaim your peace. You gain clarity. You begin to show up for your life with intention, not obligation.
So if you’re standing at a crossroads tired, unsure, stretched thin, ask yourself:
What is the cost of continuing to abandon myself to make others comfortable?
That question alone will shift your decisions. You’ll stop justifying toxic relationships. You’ll quit jobs that demand everything and give little. You’ll carve out sacred space in your calendar that belongs to no one but you. You’ll realize that self-care is not indulgence-it’s insurance. It protects your health, your mind, and your spirit.
And no, you don’t have to be perfect at this. You just have to practice it. Daily. One decision at a time.
Here’s what I know for sure: You cannot serve, lead, love, or create from a place of depletion. The most powerful thing you can do for the people you care about is model what it looks like to honor yourself. That is leadership. That is strength.
So make the choice.
Say the hard thing.
Set the boundary.
Take the nap.
Eat the damn breakfast.
Delete the draining text thread.
Reschedule the meeting that could’ve been an email.
Choose the version of you who is calm, clear, and whole…not just busy and broken.
Because that version? She’s the one who changes everything.
